Death of a Bird

The california ocean is shocking in the late summer. I was covered in goose bumps as I came out from the water.  On shore, I realized a handful of women were looking down the beach at my dog, Bisous.  He was playing- jumping around a black bird with a long neck.  Earlier, the bird floated like a duck in the ocean close to shore.  Now, it was stationary on land, pecking in Bisous's direction.  Kensi, Nathan and I  started calling, “Bisous!”  He paused mid play-pounce and Nathan ran toward him.  When he got there, he motioned for us.  Something was wrong with the bird.  


“He’s hurt?” Kensi asked as we approached.  


“Something’s definitely wrong with him,” Nathan replied.


The bird was wobbling like a drunk. Nathan squatted and leaned in for a closer look.  This scared the little guy and, trying to back up, he toppled forward, beak stuck in the sand, waves lapping onto his face.  I reached down and tried to sit him up again, but he wouldn’t stay.  I wrapped my hands around his wings and carried him like a delicate football away from the waves, so he wouldn't drown.


“Kensi we have to call someone,” I said, “Do you know who to call?” I hadn't lived in the States for years and never in Cali, so was lost about who to contact.


“I know what animal rescue will say,” Kensi said, “We’ll just have to bring him into the center in Goleta.”  She wrapped the bird in our tie-dye sarong and began to carry him.  He was trying to nip at her hands.  Then he started writhing at the neck, moving it in culvusive circles-- like he was trying to disconnect his head from his body.  It was a sickening, demonic-like image. Kensi squealed and released him.   We both turned our backs to him and began to cry.


“He’s dying,” I thought,  desperately wondering if BIsous had hurt him, or if it was his time and he was just trying to die in peace.  


“Nathan, is your phone here?” Kensi asked.  


He nodded and Kensi followed him to his bag.  I stayed and watched the bird struggling as he lay face down.  His webbed feet were pushing at the sand, his neck was lolling and his wings were spread taut.  I was sobbing now. I felt helpless.  He was dying and I didn’t know how to save him.  


I overheard two women talking to Nathan and Kensi. “Your dog didn’t touch the bird,” one lady said.


“Yea, he was so cute,” added another, “He was just dancing around the bird like a sweet little thing.”


I let this sink in. Bisous hadn’t touched the bird.  He was just dying.  The words he's dying kept rolling through my head. Like the waves lapping at the shore, the phrase echoed in me and created a sense of calm.  I squatted down beside the bird and raised the sarong in the wind, blocking the sun from his dark feathers.  I offered him shade and began to pray.  


I remembered earlier that morning when I sat on my cushion for meditation practice and an obstacle arose.  The antidote for that particular obstacle is Death Meditation, which I put into practice. In death meditation you think I will die tonight. This reminds you of the importance of practice and how little importance trivial matters hold.  After meditating on your very imminent death, you can experience the day in mindful kindness.


This bird was actually dying now. As I crouched watching him, praying for him, I realized this was the first time I had seen someone die.  The death was uncomfortable for the bird and for me.   It was a struggle. It was ugly. It was sad. But it was also true and common.  I felt death’s presence vividly and finally saw- no finally felt,  what fate awaited my transient body. I felt it like the feeling of the sand between my toes. There is no time to waste I thought as I watched life fade from the bird.

Photo: Be still and know yourself as 
the Truth you have been searching for. 

Be still and let the inherent joy of that Truth 
capture your drama and destroy it
in the bliss of consummation. 

Be still and let your life be lived 
by the purpose you were made for. 

Be still and receive the inherent truth of your heart.

~Gangaji

May the bird and all beings find peace and happiness.  Om Shanti.

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